Choosing a spouse is a very important decision that should not be taken lightly. Marriage is a lifelong commitment that requires love, respect, trust, and compatibility. It also involves sharing your goals, values, and dreams with another person, and supporting each other through the ups and downs of life.
However, I also think that being very deliberate does not mean being very rigid or unrealistic. No one is perfect, and no relationship is flawless. Sometimes, people make mistakes, change, or grow apart. Sometimes, people have different expectations, opinions, or preferences. Sometimes, people face challenges, conflicts, or crises. These are all normal and inevitable aspects of any human relationship, and they do not necessarily mean that the marriage is doomed or that the spouses are incompatible.
The decision to spend your life with someone is monumental, and it deserves careful consideration. Unlike casual dating where one can easily walk away, marriage is a lifelong commitment that intertwines two lives in ways that demand resilience, understanding, and continuous effort.
Deliberateness in choosing a life partner involves not only looking at present compatibility but also envisioning a shared future. It's about understanding each other's values, goals, and perspectives, and ensuring alignment in these aspects. Moreover, acknowledging that challenges will arise but committing to facing them together is crucial.
Being very deliberate means being very aware of what you want, need, and offer in a relationship. It means being honest with yourself and your partner, and communicating your feelings, thoughts, and desires clearly and respectfully. It means being open to learning, growing, and changing with your partner, and adapting to new situations and circumstances. It means being willing to compromise, cooperate, and collaborate with your partner, and finding solutions that work for both of you. It means being loyal, faithful, and supportive of your partner, and showing them appreciation and affection. It means being respectful of your partner's individuality, autonomy, and boundaries, and honoring their choices and decisions.
Being very deliberate also means being very selective of who you choose to marry. It means not settling for less than what you deserve, or compromising your values, principles, or standards. It means not rushing into marriage for the wrong reasons, such as pressure, convenience, or fear. It means not ignoring the red flags, such as abuse, dishonesty, or incompatibility. It means not being blinded by infatuation, lust, or fantasy. It means being realistic, rational, and objective, as well as emotional, passionate, and intuitive.
Choosing a spouse is a very personal and subjective process, and there is no one right way or formula to do it. However, there are some general guidelines and tips that can help you make a wise and fulfilling choice. For instance, you can:
- Consider the qualities you want in a spouse, and look for someone who matches or complements them. For example, you may want someone who shares your religion, sense of humor, or family values. You may also want someone who has a different personality, lifestyle, or perspective than you, to balance you out or challenge you. ¹²³ - Make sure you are compatible with your partner, not only in terms of attraction, but also in terms of communication, emotional intelligence, respect, and vision. You should be able to talk to your partner openly and honestly, understand and empathize with their feelings, respect their opinions and autonomy, and share a common goal for your future.
- Take time to get to know your partner before committing to marriage. You should not rush into a serious relationship without knowing the person well, including their strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes, habits, hobbies, beliefs, values, and goals. You should also see how they behave in different situations and environments, such as with their friends, family, co-workers, or strangers. You should also observe how they treat you and others, and how they handle stress, conflict, or adversity.
- Be open to meeting the right person in unexpected ways. You never know when or where you might find your soulmate, so you should not limit yourself to a certain type, place, or method. You can meet your spouse through friends, family, work, school, hobbies, online, or randomly. You should be flexible, adventurous, and curious, and give people a chance to show you who they are.
- Seek professional help if you need it. If you have trouble finding or maintaining a healthy relationship, you may benefit from talking to a therapist, counselor, or coach. They can help you identify and overcome any personal issues, such as low self-esteem, trauma, fear, or anxiety, that may be affecting your love life. They can also help you develop the skills and strategies you need to attract, choose, and keep the right partner for you.
I hope this helps you understand how to be very deliberate when choosing a spouse. Remember that marriage is a beautiful and rewarding journey, but also a challenging and demanding one. It requires a lot of work, patience, and dedication, but also a lot of love, joy, and fun. Choose wisely, and you will find the person who will make you happy for the rest of your life.
